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[DIARY] A year older…

The door gets better each time i smash it….each time i hit it….for the number of holes increases, so does the light.

This post belongs to me. That’s the first thing i want you to note because i don’t want you to feel i was boasting about myself. I just wanted to share this as its close to my heart. This is about my 18th birthday.

Being in my new home, hardly i used to get any time for things concerning my past, my memories, and myself. To be honest, i had to sometime even skip a call to my parents that i promised them, i’ll make everyday.

Goa’s a beautiful place that tempts you to sit beside and just look and wonder its beauty, its gorgeousness. BITS however in itself is a town, a small town of its own, which keeps the beauty of Goa bundled with its own metro-like busy schedule.

It didn’t take me much time to settle in here. To say the truth, I was more excited than sad. I was going to a new place. New people, new friends, new life. It had to be adventurous; it had to have some kind of freshness; I would get to learn a lot. Following the first week, i had made a group of friends, who could take care of me and whom i call my new family. We share our past experiences, we talk whole day long, we tease each other, we play, we gossip, we smile, we cry – whatever we do, we are together even though we belong to different parts of the country.

You’ll understand me if you know how it is to come from Xth to XIth and taking science as your discipline. It feels horrible. The syllabus is huge already, then the co-curriculur activities and the new environment makes it hard to do what is expected from you. Similar things happened with me, but on a larger scale. There are more than 20-25 clubs and departments here like department of journal media and affairs, music club, drama club, mime club, environmental protection department, and so on. . . Everyday, atleast one of them had their inductions[The interested students need to be auditioned and interviewed before getting into the club or dept.] When a barber gets a lottery worth a crore rupees, he goes blind. He needs to get everything that he has seen people having. He needs to be into everything. I was in the same condition. 8 to 5 i had the classes, then i used to go to these inductions and extra activities that were happening in the campus. 9 i used to be back and working from 8-9 on a continuous run in a large campus like this was enough to make every day a tiring one.


That was the intro which was perhaps needed to go beyond.

I always knew one thing about myself that i’m going to tell you today. Assume this as a return gift to the sweet wishes i’ve been given. I don’t know if its with me only or it happens with others as well… Somehow, if i make a new friend or i find something new somewhere, be it an insect on the floor or a cellphone that i bought just today or anything ranging from the smallest possible to the largest, i develop a tendency to discover it as deep as i can go. This tendency is greatest when its case of a friend. Being developed a new bond with these 8-10 guys of my hostel, naturally, i was interested in knowing about them. Through these years, i’ve learnt that the simplest and best way to know is to let him know you first. So, I started sharing myself at first. Then, Talks on anything would give me a sense of others’ nature, behaviour, attitude. I liked it. It’s the best thing in the world to study human nature, I’d say. But, while exploring the shells in this new pile of sand, I made a huge mistake.

I was studying thermodynamics in my room when the clock said 11.45pm. I got a call from Aarti who was trying it from last half an hour just because she wanted to be the first and I wasn’t picking it up because I said that I wont untill it boils down to the last 15 minutes. She achieved what she wanted to do and became the first wisher. I wished her goodnight and she slept off. After like 15minutes past 12, I got a call from Shilpa (one of my besties). She wished me, and asked me, who was the one to wish first. I told her Aarti. She replied in a sarcastic way conveying that the way i find time for Others, sometimes i should also find a stretch of minutes for my old besties. Similar incident happened with Kanika Gupta that night. I told her and Kanika, “its not like that.” But somehow, inside, later…when i was thinking about it again and again, i felt i did some unjustice to them; and this didn’t happen because i wanted to but because of my nature….

I had a large amount of fun in the last night when I was dragged by my wingies(wingies is a slang word for besties) on the floor. Then, Held high in air by 4 people and got kicked in the stomach and back and bums and what not. It was a great experience, i tell you. 😛 First, they said the cake shop was closed and so they couldn’t bring the cake. Then I asked them for a dance party. They said, they have a practical in the morning and they need to study for it. I said, ”allright.”  Then, later when I stepped into my room, one of my friend – arnab – popped out of my almirah and on to the floor in front of my eyes. That was a real surprise. I love these guys for this. He was inside from 20 minutes and they had been trying to get me back into my room by saying they need to go n study. 😀  It was fun, cutting a cake at 1.30 then going to Night Mess at 2 and having the treat till 3.

Later, in the early morning, a “bad” news was flowing in the air – Maths papers would be distributed today in the lecture! I felt bad. I was already regretting, “after taking maths and loving it, it was the one which went seriously bad and now i’m getting its answer sheet today! On my birthday! Aaah…why not tomorrow or yesterday… ” I was tensed for a moment. But then, i couldn’t stop it. In the next 10 minutes, i was ready for it…the shock, i mean. Maths was the fifth lecture – the lecture before lunch break. I went to the class. The IDs were being announced and the person had to go to sir and take his/her paper. Thank god for the marks were kept a secret! In the state of nervousness and anxiety my legs were shaking and i was waiting for my ID so that i can get it, then fold the paper, put it in the bag and forget everything, for it was my day today.

5minutes later, ID no. 439 (me) was called…I went to sir, took the paper in my hands, saw the marks and folded it. Then, I walked my heads down, up to my seat and just told my marks to my immediate friend and asked everyone else not to ask. I was not in a good mood. The average marks were 28 and i had gotten 18 out of 75 where highest were 74. This was shameful. I couldn’t live up to my promise and although i didn’t show but was regretting my laziness, my laptop, facebook, those inductions, for everything. I had come in BITS with the aim that i have to be in the top 100 out of 600 so that i get my computer science BTech degree as dual degree and here i stood nowhere in the first 400 of the batch. I was caught in a silence of my own in the lecture theatre where discussions were being held. In the mean time, my friend went to collect his answer sheet and returned with a smile of 33 marks. 33 doesn’t sound good to you, but they do here. Here, its the average which counts. If you’re above average, you’re good! If you’re low, you should improve upon. I wasn’t good, in the exams. Some of my friends just studied as much as me but got better results than me. The sudden shadow of realisation left me with only 1 thought – maybe, i’m not as intelligent as they are; I need to study more. Then only I can be at par with them. Also, that I had lost my focus running after the clubs and departments.

After the paper distribution, I came back to my room. “Lunch” was just out of thoughts that time. Lying on my bed, thinking about what have I done wrong…Where did I do the mistake…I fell asleep. 2pm, there was a knock at my door. I thought it must be my neighbour and had come for asking what was I doing! In a frustrated manner, I sat up and then opened the door. For that one second, my farthest imagination felt ashamed, I was dumbstruck and totally surprised. In the front of my popping eyes, were my cousin Ankit and Dad.

Dad didn’t tell me that he was coming or anything like so. He brought the gift i told him to courier – a framed image of Lord Hanuman that i wanted to hang up on the wall in my room. Besides that, I was also gifted with 2 novels – Softwares of positive thinking and The Game called Life by Praveen Verma; and an awesome shirt by my brother. They also brought a cake. But, sad part was, seeing dad and ankit did leave a smile on my face but not for long.

I was still sad because of the marks I was getting. The result had not just been bad for maths. It was almost the same situation in many subjects. Before falling to sleep, I had thought of completing everything as soon as possible – all the syllabus that I didn’t do properly before. I promised myself to skip the upcoming fest, the outings of clubs i’ve joined, and to work harder than I ever did before. After settling up, and talking a bit with dad and ankit, I told them that I have a class at 6 which I can’t afford to miss. They said, ”its okay. You go to your class, we’ll go to hotel. We’ll meet up tomorrow. Can you give us tomorrow’s time ? ” I was stern, as i had to be, and answered, “okay, but can’t give you whole day. Have to study, have to make workshop report which has to be submitted day after tomorrow. ”   Dad replied, “okay” with a smile on his face.

Few minutes later, Dad could make out something was bugging me. When he asked the same, I replied, “I had a schedule, Dad. My marks were not going good. So i had to study from now on. And now…. ”  He understood the pause and replied, “its okay. You study, I’ll go and show Ankit the campus.”

“Okay…! 🙂 ”

And, I opened my thermodynamics book and started studying. Later, my immediate neighbour came in to my room asking for a book. He knew my dad has come and he saw me studying and exclaimed, “Are you mad?! Your dad and cousin has come from Delhi to celebrate your birthday with you and you’re studying… ”

I was still blind, and this time, had only 1 thing in my mind – to study. I told him that my dad was showing the campus to my brother, so I was studying. “Whats wrong with it ? ” i asked.

“Nothing.” he said in a way that showed he wasn’t expecting this from me, continued “And…i’ll give you the book later. ” and left.

I kept my pen on the register and started thinking about what he just said. True, that i’m not getting good marks and I should be studying, But was studying at that moment so important as to ignore someone who has come so far to see me smiling, blowing the candles and partying with my brother and friends?

My heart gave me the answer – no! I smiled at myself for finding the mistakes I had done today. And, for being the idiot till now. As soon as Dad and Ankit was back in the room. I brought the topic back again.

Dad said, “So, we’ll be here till 5.30, then leave and tomorrow come back in the morning. Okay ? So, then, you cut the cake before we leave. ”

I replied, “No! Why don’t you wait for me? I’ll be back from class at 7. Then i’ll also leave with you two and spend tonight as well with you two in the hotel. ”

“Is that possible ? ”

“Ya, of course.”

“K, then that would be great. 🙂 ”

I was happy to see this smile. Maybe, because this one came from Dad’s heart. The previous one was just to make me happy. I smiled back at him…and continued,

“…And i have already cut a cake once in BITS, last night. We’ll celebrate it in the hotel this time. You’re staying in the same hotel we stayed for 4 days when I came to BITS, right ? ”


“They were good enough to us. Also, the manager there, Hassan uncle has always been a good guardian to me here for my 2 months stay in goa. We’ll celebrate with the staff there. ”

“Sure! ”

That’s really what we did! Snaps are there on facebook. Then, I had a great roller coaster ride next day with Dad and brother. We went to beach, had fun playing in water. Ankit bought some gifts for his friend; Dad got a tattoo on his arm; and we visited the biggest mall in Goa(which was actually even smaller than the smallest mall in Rajouri Garden, Delhi).  We came back to BITS in the afternoon. Then after having lunch in Cafeteria, I bid them goodbye. They left, and I came back with a smile.

3 Things, you see –

1. Besties are besties – whether old or new.

2. Focus.

3. Family Value.

I was happy as i stepped in my room, i felt i grew a year older. . .a year better. . .


P.S. Thanks to all for the lovely wishes I’ve got this time. 🙂

Published in A page from diary

One Comment

  1. Kanika Kanika


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